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10 Crazy Sex Laws You Could Be Breaking Right Now

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10 Crazy Sex Laws You Could Be Breaking Right Now
« on: December 14, 2013, 03:08:53 AM »
1.  --  Just a Little Prick - Florida

In the state of Florida, it is illegal to have sex with a porcupine.  Well at least the south got something right, no bestiality like other states. How did this law come into effect?  Did a redneck have strong emotional bond with a porcupine and got caught poking his prickly pet? Did he argue in court that he was madly in love with his pointy partner?

2.   -- In the Bedroom with Beelzebub
In Bakersfield, Cali it is legal to have sex with Satan as long as a condom is worn. Honestly, this is the last person you should go bareback with, considering Satan is the inventor of all STDs! Could you imagine a lil' Satan running around the house burning everything up?

3.   --  Don't Talk Dirty
It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
Could you imagine what this romp session would sound like? It would probably sound a bit like this: Male – “I wanna f….”Male – “Take this d…”Male – “F…”Female – “Just shut up and f— me  you f—— stallion!” Is the male population in Oregon a bunch of submissive sissies?

4.   --  Sexual Prohibition

In Ames, Iowa it is illegal for a husband to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with or holding his wife. Good thing men can take three gulps of beer before you have sex — otherwise a whole lot of Iowans would be virgins. Why would this be a law in the first place? Did a lawmaker's wife get a beer spilled on her after a hot 'meeting of the House'? If this law was in effect in all states, guys would be kicking chicks out of bed right after bumping uglies, forcing them to sleep on the couch.

5.  --  Bestiality Welcome in Utah

In some parts of  Utah sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you’re doing it for money. Sheep farmers are moving to Utah in flocks now!OK, in Utah, they support polygamy and bestiality. That's probably because it's a waste land of deserts, mountains and a dry lake bed. We should all move to Utah, they seem like some horny mofos! The worst part of this law — no donkey show for your bachelor party. Looks like you will still have to head to Tijuana!

6.  --  The Horn Blows -- How Bout the Driver?
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. The best part of this law is that the cop has to honk three times before investigating! And two minutes? Hell most people will have finished and had their post-coital cigarette!

7.  --  No Love Guns

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm. If a female orgasm does exist, we should all celebrate that once in a millennium accomplishment. That would mean a total New Year's Eve celebration: shooting guns, blowing noise makers, running through the streets slapping high-fives! All while naked, of course.

8.  --  Don't Screw the Pooch
Washington, D.C

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position – Any other sexual position is considered illegal. This law is a bunch of BS! Considering Bill Clinton and his famous cigar, JFK and Marilyn Monroe and all the 'sodomy' the federal government hands to us, you'd think we they be a bit more experimental.

9. --  Only Anorexic Animals

In Washington state, it's completely legit to 'sexually spear' an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lb. What's with the 40 lb. weight limit? Wait?! Here's a conspiracy theory on how Bigfoot was conceived – some dude had sex with a pet chimpanzee, and the chimp had a baby. In order to prevent a horde of Bigfoot from waling the Earth, the government imposed a weight limit on animals in Washington men can have sex to. No more man-on-chimp sex, no more Bigfoot. Problem solved. Now Washington is infested with half human/half-Olympic Marmots running around. (BTW – Olympic Marmots are the state animal.)

10. --  No Coyote Ugly

A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weighs more than three pounds, two ounces. If a female has to wear three-pounds, two ounces of clothing, why not soak down their bra and panties so they weigh three-pounds, two ounces? Or they could just go naked and wear some ankle weights. Why force them to have clothes on in the first place. Any chick that wants to dance on a table or bar should be forced to at least take her top off. Agree?